Thoughts on New (Scary) Things

Anyone who knows me knows that I am TERRIBLE at the internet. I’m no good at the algorithms, I post on the socials probably less than once a year in aggregate. I always overthink everything I say (you know, that’s also true IRL, so that might just be my personality.) So I’m sitting here on the eve of finally starting AND finishing AND publishing my website - that I have been meaning to make since 2016 - and I can’t help but wonder what the everloving heck I’m getting myself into…

2020 was an unbelievable struggle for everyone. I can’t speak to the experiences of others, of course, only to mine. 2020 (and obviously well into 2021…) turned me inside out and upside down in all the best and worst ways. I came out of it very very lucky.

I lost my job when I got very sick in September of 2020 - I had no income, no prospects, and with ever worsening health, and I was honestly pretty terrified. But because I was now Unemployed (American healthcare, what can I say) I could actually receive the medical tests I had needed for some time! And the mystery disease I have been dealing with for the past five years (and probably more) now had a name! Celiac! If I wasn’t fired for my undiagnosed autoimmune disease, I may have had to wait another 5 years before I could afford more testing. I can’t say I’m exactly GLAD… but I am finally getting better, which is a gigantic, happy, stressful, scary step. (If you wanna talk about how terrible eating gluten free is I WILL TALK YOUR EAR OFF)

And then I got engaged to the love of my life! I GOT TO MAKE OUR RINGS. It was unbelievably rewarding to plan our rings with my partner, and to forge them with my own two hands. I got to work with platinum for the first time (which I am OBSESSED with. Such a cool metal!)

Aaaand then we lost our house. And are living with parents! I know how unbelievably lucky we are to have people in our lives with the means and desire to help us, and I am grateful for it every day. Without them, I wouldn’t be able to say what I’m very excited to say:

I am making metal art my career! (Or, at least, as much as possible while still paying the bills) In a tumultuous, anxious, beautiful, terrible, and strange couple of years, it has become very clear to me what I have to offer the world: I have my art, and not much else. Being involved in other people’s lives: The births, deaths, marriages, their happiness and wonder, their loves and losses, is the most incredible thing I have ever experienced.

To those of you that continued to support me, commission things from me, and generally put up with my perfectionism and near-constant self doubt, I can’t express how much I love you. You folk kept me going, and got me here.

I’m not gonna say I’m suddenly gonna be better at the internet, because OH BOY, do I prefer the making to the talking-about-making, but the only thing a person can do is try to be a bit better than yesterday (and, I’m told, realize when they need A GODDAMN BREAK; I’m still working on that one). So if you’ve known me for a while and have wondered where I’ve been - that’s the abridged version. If not, I’ll write more of these about my weird art thoughts that may be more relevant. Heck, the next one might even have jokes!

Onward to the next thing! Happy website launch day, me. You finally did it.

And thank you again to those people who have supported me. Seriously. You are the best sort of people.

-Sarah Maurine